Just this month, I re-experienced the agony of waiting for the results of the board exam I took a few days ago. In total, I had taken three (3) national board exams that really tortured my mind, and maybe my soul too, as I waited for its results.
First was the Civil Engineering licensure exam several decades ago. Then there was the Real Estate Appraiser Exam 10 years ago. And, because of some unforgivable lapses ( I was inactive then as an appraiser ), I forgot to renew my REA license for 2 consecutive years! To top it all, it was the exact period when the government changed a few rules and transferred the governing body from the Department of Trade & Industry to the Professional Regulations Commission
Long story short, I had to take the licensure exam again. This means I had to shell out almost $500 for a 120-hour refresher course and force myself to bury my head on REA books and materials for the next 3 months. Can you imagine foregoing youtube and facebook and all other online addictive activities?
So, we were told after the exams that the results will come in 3 days, although the PRC site says 10 days. Thus, the agony begins.
What made things worse this time is that just before submitting my papers I had ticked off and counted my answers that I was sure were correct in the exam. Something I have never done in previous exams. And my count tells me I will not make it. It says I will have to get at least 7 more correct answers from out of the rest of the answers that I was unsure of to make it.
The same inner conflict as I had felt previously re-occurred. Though I was able to sleep most nights, I almost always have to go through a few hours of restless tossing and turning in bed. And my pessimist nature shows its worst during these times.
In the office, I dread mornings because some office mates would be there, earlier than me, reading the newspaper. As I enter, I would try to decipher the faces. Have the results come out? Have they read it? Are they trying to avoid eye-to-eye contact with me because my name wasn’t in there? Paranoia.
The REA exam results can be accessed online the very hour it comes out. So, I had to wait for it, check my iphone every hour. I stayed away from facebook because I would hate to see others begin congratulating each other there.
I even entertained the idea of practicing how I would act calmly and smile non-chalantly in the event I failed. And studying to prepare for a re-exam next year.
I woke up one day and as I reached for my phone a message was already there saying ‘Congratulations, you made it!’ The sender’s number is unregistered in my phone so it showed only a number. Is this a joke? I scrambled to get online to check the results. Whew! I did make it.
Should I go through another experience like this in the future, I probably would go through the same routine again. But after having gone through this enough number of times, I realized that my pessimism is really a little too unrealistic. And that fretting and worrying really doesn’t make things any better.
Update: I did go through another experience and in the same field. This time it’s the Real Estate Brokerage exams which was held last February 28, 2016. As expected, and in spite of the supposed alleviation of my pessimism, I still felt the same way from preparation (study phase), to the exam proper, and the waiting for results phase.
Again, I passed the exam, with just 0.75 points short of being included in the top ten.